For good measure?
I'll forget about this blog again in approximately 30 hours, so this entry shall safely disappear into the abyss of the internet. Thus, I think I shall write what is on my mind, right now.
I think us, as humans, have this beautiful ability to forget things which we need to forget. The things which cause pain do so, and then eventually they fade. They leave an imprint, which may affect future decisions or thoughts, but they do leave us in time. It is simply not possible for us to simultaneously focus on our pain and the tasks at hand. And eventually, if the tasks at hand are numerous enough, we simply adopt the habit of peace until just a memory of the pain exists. And then that memory may be forgotten. I think this is where the phrase, "Time heals all wounds" comes from. Though I only agree with the first half of that sentence.
Another random thought:
So there are sticky notes around campus in odd places that just say "You are so beautiful." Today I noticed that some days, I'll glance at them and think "Sure. Whatever," and other days I'll glance at them and think "Hell no." and some days I'll think "Why yes, I already knew that." and still other days I'll think "I'm the ugliest goddamn human on the face of the planet, you damn sticky note."
I guess my point is that these are all perceptions of my own beauty, which change on a day-to-day basis. If beauty is so perception-based, what value does labeling oneself as "beautiful" or "ugly" hold? There are certain people in this world who are constantly tuned to
inner beauty. Perhaps it is them who should create beauty standards.
Posted from the library
Wow, I haven't updated this in forever. Well... almost exactly a year I guess. I'm 19... and uh... a lot has changed. Yep.
Dear eljay
Dear livejournal,
I like you, I really do, but I'm tired of our relationship. It's been going on now for 2 years, and I think our passion is slowly dying. It doesn't help that most all of our common friends stopped communicating with us. It's just you and me now, but less and less do I want to come home to your cold familiar comfort. Never do I feel the desire to go quiz searching and post them to look forward to my friend's reactions. Nor do I ever feel like posting my real feelings on your beautiful layout anymore. You just don't seem to care about me. I feel like we could salvage something of what we have, but what would the point be? Everyone has moved on to more socializing networks, such as that horribly user-unfriendly myspace or the anti-blogging facebook. I am ashamed to tell you livejournal, but no longer to I check you out first. I feel unfaithful, but first I go to facebook, then myspace, then my email. YES, I admit it! Email. It's been a long time, but I think we rekindled a part of our friendship somehow. Don't look at me like that, livejournal. I'm not abandoning you, I just feel as if we're not working out well anymore, and it saddens me. I miss you. But have faith, love. College is coming soon, and I know I'll have more to talk about then. Perhaps those who fled recently will return. Perhaps I will meet new livejournals, and we can all hang out together. In the end, it'll be you and me, always.
Love,
Ashleigh
New Bird
I got a new bird today. He's adorable. Help me think of a name for him! (or her, I can't really tell yet) He's a regular green budgie, if that helps at all with names. We ordered Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on pay-per-view tonight. I had forgotten how utterly bizarre that movie is. This time I was able to actually pay attention to the message behind it, and sort of understand some things. I guess I never really got it when I was a kid- the spoiled brat message I got, but I never really understood the competition girl til now. Anyways, back to my book! :)
It's true... I tend to cling to my relationships (maybe even after I should have let go)... I think it's because I crave connection.
| Your Love Style is Storge |
For you, love and friendship are almost the same thing
And your love tends to be the enduring, long lasting kind
(You've been known to still have connections with exes)
But sometimes your love is not the most passionate
Leap before you look, and you'll find that fire you crave |
Cinderella
This is by far my favorite play I've seen at the high school. It's so funny! The actors are amazing, especially the step family. Cinderella has a beautiful voice, too. I have a lot of fun in pit orchestra. I think the fact that we're so friggin big seems to add to the hilarity of the play. Dustin and I have a favorite line... when the fairy godmother is making the pumpkin turn into a carriage... she says, "Cinderella, LOOK!" and she says it so funny every time. Like it's the best thing since sliced bread. Ted you gotta loan me the movie so I can listen to the lyrics and see what's going on during the ball scene and stuff...
My mom brought me flowers on my birthday to the play. They're soo pretty and it was really nice of her. It helped cheer me up a bit. This morning I felt loved too because all the retirement home ladies really appreciated my help with Bingo. They're all so sweet, except this one lady kept calling Bingo out when she really didn't have it... I feel bad not giving her a prize but it's not really fair to all the other people playing so I can't let her have it. Otherwise I would though.
I think I'm losing my mind... seriously. I'm not myself at all lately. I dunno what to do about it though. I feel like I'm on this giant yoyo, being lead by a string controlled by other people. I try not to let things affect me, but they do. They shouldn't, maybe, but they do. I don't like not being in control of my emotions. I normally don't have that problem...
Well, I'm uber tired. Long long day today. Probably going to be an even longer day tomorrow. I can't wait for winter break!
Happy Birthday
As a birthday gift to myself, I am creating this blog. I already have a livejournal, a myspace, and a ujournal (which is called something else now...) but since the school blocks all of these, I think I should create a blogspot! I'm 18 now. It's... not very different than being 17.9972527473, really. My birthday this year isn't going to be very eventful. I have pit orchestra seemingly during every waking hour for the past few weeks, and the opening night is tonight. No time for family birthday or friends birthday. Oh well... I should get used to it. Every birthday after this is going to be less and less enjoyable. Childhood is officially (socially) over. *clinks glass*
